When Lights Collide Chapter 33

Daniel buried his face in his hands, he didn’t have words to explain the frustrations and anger that was storming inside himself.  He just knew that the more he sat still with those feelings, the more he felt like he was suffocating.

“I need some air” he mumbled as he stood and walked to the back patio doors.

Cara sat shell shocked, trying to will herself to say or do something that would ease Daniel’s pains, but the anxiety she was feeling had her frozen in place, only her eyes moved as she looked from where Daniel sat, to the path he took toward the back door, then to Estelle.  Cara could feel herself silently pleading with Estelle to do something, but knew that the anxiety and fear that she was feeling was blocking any and all mind speak communications that she hoped to share.

Estelle watched silently as Daniel stormed out of the room, and watched him as he stopped for a brief second before he opened the door and exited to the rear patio.

She was aware that Cara was trying to speak with her, then looked in her direction, knowing full well that the only thing that would help now was a little bit of humor..

“Careful honey, your fear is showing.” Estelle winked as she smiled at Cara before she rose and followed the path Daniel had walked as he left the building.

Daniel stood in the backyard, just beyond the reach of the patio, in the patch of sunshine that rested by the large oak tree.  As she tuned in to his energy, she knew that he was struggling, knew that he was stuck in his fear and shame of his childhood memories.

“Those memories are not his fault, though his fear holds him in the shame of those who led him astray.” her Guardians whispered to her.

Estelle whispered back to them with her inside voice, 

“I know it, but how do I help him without causing him to implode?”

Estelle listened for a response, but none came.  

She knew that she would have to trust her own inner guidance, that sometimes the Guardians have to let us figure things out for ourselves, according to our own actions and desires.

“Cause and effect” she muttered as she grabbed a couple bottles of water from the rack between the fridge and the backdoor before following Daniel outside.

“Cause and effect” she whispered to herself as she exited the house and closed the back door, turning to where Daniel stood, she paused, hopeful that guidance would come, but none did.

She was on her own now.

Cara, still glued to her seat in the living room, watched as Estelle stood at the back door, watching Daniel.  She continued to watch as Estelle grabbed the water bottles and exited the house.

She watched until she could no longer see Estelle or Daniel, but still, she could feel the icy finger of fear as it tickled its way up and down her spine.

She was trying to decide what to do next, begging with herself to find a way to be helpful, but all she could feel was the overwhelming desire to run, away from these feelings, away from this fear, and into the safety of her own home.

When no other ideas or guidance came, and when the shiver down her spine caused her to jump, Cara stood and walked to the front door, grabbed her spare house key from the hook that Estelle had assigned them and kept right on walking.

She didn’t even stop to consider that she needed to tell anyone where she was going, Cara knew that she just needed to escape, to get away from these feelings. 

As she left the front step and turned right to sneak through the hedge and into her own front yard, and as she slipped the key into her own front door, guidance finally came.

And Cara giggled at the irony of the guidance, 

“You need to warm yourself, perhaps a bubble bath” flowed across her inner ears, and the giggles soon turned to laughter as Cara realized it was a bubble bath that had kicked off the last couple of  days.

“Hhmm, maybe that's it… a bubble bath started this, maybe a bubble bath would end it and we can all get back to normal.” she thought to herself as she locked her front door and walked straight into the bathroom, to where the towels still sat wet yet burnt in her bathtub, to where she had first saw Daniel as he stood watching her.

Would he come back and watch me again? She wondered to herself, then shook her head as she fished the towels out of her tub, rinsed away the remaining ash, popped in the stopper and turned the water on to fill the tub, adding her favorite bath salts and bubbles.

While she waited for the tub to fill, she went into her office, hit the play button on her answering machine, and listened to her messages as she checked her calendar for the day.

“What day is it even?” she asked herself as she flipped the pages in her planner.

“I need to cancel my appointment…” caught Cara’s attention as the messages played.  

“Thank God above,” Cara murmured to herself, while noting gratefully that she was clear of appointments for the day.  She would need to rebook appointments over the weekend, but for today, she was free to relax and find her way back to her own normal.

She was just about to leave the office, walking by the window, when Cara debated about fixing the screen, decided to leave it for later, left the office and closed the door behind her. It could wait.

As she entered the bathroom, noting that the tub was ready, Cara closed the door and inhaled deeply the floral scents that sprang from the water in the tub.

Already feeling herself return to her old self, Cara stripped off and stepped into the tub.

She sighed deeply “worth every penny” she whispered to herself as she sank into the deep soaker tub.  Cara smiled as she felt the bubbles tickle her skin, and again sighed in relief as she settled in and leaned back to relax in her favorite place.

Estelle walked toward Daniel, still standing in the sunshine, facing the big oak tree.

She stopped just short of where he stood, determined that she would not break the rays of sun that warmed his body.  Estelle was preparing to walk around to stand beside Daniel, but then he turned to face her.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean - I - didn’t mean to be such a rude guest,” he stumbled over his words and Estelle could see the tears that had fallen down his face, now wet upon his shirt.

“Hush now child, it's ok, you did nothing wrong.  This is alot to take in for someone who had no idea about any of it before now.  And you ain’t no guest, you’re my friend, and friends are allowed to act like idiots….sometimes.” Estelle smiled as she handed Daniel a bottle of water.

Daniel reached out to accept the gift, like it was some sort of peacemaker, “Thanks.” was all he could say before he turned back to face the oak tree again.

“You sure do seem to like that tree.” Estelle commented absently, trying to assess where Daniel’s thoughts and by extension, his energy, were at.

Daniel just nodded as he continued to stand with his back to Estelle and faced the large tree. He didn’t know why, but this tree helped him to feel safe, like he had a place here somehow.

As he took a deep breath and exhaled the frustration that had been brewing in his thoughts, Daniel stated, 

“I don’t understand, what possible connection to my childhood could make the difference in me learning about myself?” He turned to face Estelle as the last of the words passed over his lips, tears were in his eyes again and Estelle’s Guardians whispered

“Cause and effect sweetheart… this is your time to tell him everything.”

Estelle nodded, both in response to her Guardians and in understanding to Daniel.  

She walked over to where he stood in the warmth of the sunshine and smiled, 

“Lets go have a seat shall we?  I’ll tell you all that I know about this Inner Child business.”

Estelle led the way over to the large oak tree that stood humongous in comparison to herself and Daniel.  When she reached the tree, she sat down upon its root that had grown above ground and motioned for Daniel to join her. 

Daniel nodded as he sighed and sat down beside her, opening his water bottle and taking a swig.

“So, what is it about this that I don’t understand?” he asked, innocently and with frustration.

“Oh honey, hold onto your knickers,” Estelle said with a smile, “It's about to be explained, in detail.”

Continue on to Chapter 34 to find out what Daniel learns about his Inner Child.